In our consumer world, the exchange of gifts--which used to be limited to birthdays and Christmas--has become central to the celebration of almost every holiday throughout the year.

I'm all for gift giving! I would just like us to rethink it a bit.

My best friend Sara and I--who love to give each other gifts--made an agreement some years back to give each other gifts only for birthdays and Christmas, and only if we found something the other would truly love. What this has evolved into is an exchange of delicious food gifts, which are truly enjoyed by each of us.

Choose your gifts thoughtfully

The best gifts are those that are chosen thoughtfully. These make best use of our time and money, and environmental resources.

Being thoughtful about the gifts we give ensures that whatever gift we give will be appreciated and used, rather than ending up in a landfill. By finding out what a person needs, and thinking about what the person wants and will use, we can reduce frivolous gifts. Ask friends and family if there is something special they have their eyes on. Listen for clues like, "I saw a beautiful dish at the store today," or "I really need some new tools," and drop such clues yourself.

If you receive a gift that you do not want or cannot use yourself, pass it on so it can be used by someone else. Give it to someone else who can better appreciate the gift, or donate it to a thrift shop. This year I am gathering up things around my house that I no longer want or need and wrapping them up as gifts. I'm going to take them to my writer's group meeting and give everyone a gift!

Give with the environment in mind

Buying and giving gifts that help to sustain the Earth is an act of friendship and generosity toward all living things, not just the single recipient of the gift. There are many gifts you can choose from that will delight the recipient and protect the Earth as well.

There are two basic guidelines for choosing products that benefit the environment:

• choose gifts that use fewer resources
• choose gifts that support the marketplace of eco-friendly products.

Make a donation to an environmental group in the name of the recipient. There are many to choose from addressing all different kinds of environmental issues. Choose a group that is related to the interests of the recipient, such as tree planting, or animal protection. Your recipient will appreciate your support of a cause they care about.

Make gifts with your own hands. There is something special about a handmade gift, for anything made by hand contains the love and creativity of the person who made it. Last year a friend and I spent an afternoon together melting down grain-sweetened chocolate chips and pouring the chocolate into tree, Santa, and star molds to make sugar-free Christmas chocolates. Another Christmas I framed a favorite quote and gave it to close friends. My husband and I are going to dip bayberry candles next Christmas.

Give experiences rather than material goods. Experiences can be even more memorable than a gift you can hold in your hand. It can be simple or extravagant--the important thing is that you think of it and make all the arrangements. It could be a special time you spend together or an opportunity for the recipient much-needed time alone. Here are just a few ideas:

• a trip to the aquarium
• tickets to movies, or a concert or sporting event
• a gourmet picnic next to the fireplace
• a season lift ticket at a favorite ski resort
• a day at a spa
• membership to a museum, organization or gym
• a gift certificate to a nice restaurant
• a ride on a boat

Give plants. Plants not only make people happy, they make the Earth happy too. Select from indoor or outdoor plants. Pots of bulbs, herbs, or annual flowers are good choices, as they can fit in to almost any garden.

Give a gift of your time, your skill, or your experience. Whatever you do well you can share--cooking, writing, drawing, making music. We all have talents and skills that others appreciate. Offering a non-material gift, such as an afternoon of babysitting, is a gift that gives an overworked mother a much-needed rest. You might combine an offer to babysit with some natural bath salts, with the suggestion that the real gift here is time for a relaxing bath. Here are some other ideas:

• A massage (neck & shoulders, head, feet or more)
• Breakfast in bed every Sunday for a month
• A simply-framed photograph or child's painting
• Family recipes collected in a binder or recipe box
• Family photos in an album, labeled with names
• A poem you wrote
• Your undivided attention for a whole hour to do anything the other person wishes
• An outing
• A nice journal filled with memories of your relationship and words of gratitude and appreciation
• A cassette tape of music you think they would enjoy (or a book of poems, or quotes, selected and compiled by you)
• Gift coupons good for almost anything: a homecooked meal, a walk, dishwashing, hugs, kisses, a movie date...
• Go find something they want that is hard to find, and deliver it - like a particular book or video - even if it is a rental, your gift is that you found it
• Do something for them that needs to be done, but they haven't had time to do or don't have the skill to do themselves.

Choose gifts that are recycled or reusable. Antiques, collectibles and other "pre-owned" items make excellent gifts and are environmentally friendly because no further resources are used to make them. Help your recipient save resources by giving a reusable gift to replace something disposable that the recipient already uses, such as linen napkins, reusable cloth shopping bags, baskets, refillable fountain pens. And look for gifts made from recycled materials--recycled paper, metals, glass, or plastic.

Buy gifts that are good quality. Cheaper products will wear out quickly. If the item is something the recipient can and will use for a long time, spend a little more and purchase something that is durable and will last.

Give a gift certificate. Choose one of the many websites on Debra's List.

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