In my family, as I was growing up, Christmas was entirely about gifts. Christmas had no other meaning. My mother wanted my brother and I to have piles of gifts on Christmas morning, so she would wait and buy all our clothing and toys and anything else we needed around Christmas time so she could put them in boxes and wrap them up. She spent hours wrapping each gift with beautiful paper and curling ribbons. On Christmas morning we would wake up and find the entire living room so filled with shiny gifts that we could hardly walk into the room.

We had a lengthy ritual for opening gifts. We opened them one by one, in order of age. My father was first, then mother, then me, then my brother. We all had to wait our turn and admire each gift. We took breaks to snack on bagels with cream cheese and red raspberry jam, and to drink eggnog. It took hours to open our gifts.

An abundance of presents made Christmas the most exciting day of the year for us children, but as I became more aware of the environmental impacts of our consumer choices, having lots of presents just for the sake of having lots of presents became less important to me.

I am not suggesting that we not exchange gifts with loved ones. It is a lovely and life-enhancing custom. But there is a difference between giving a thoughtful and meaningful gift to someone you care about and the shop-til-you-drop, max-out-your-credit-cards frenzy that is common now in our consumer culture.

In addition to being a means of showing our love, the giving of gifts presents the opportunity to show others new things they may not be aware of. One of my favorite gifts was the year I gave everyone a bag of organically-grown oranges along with their gifts. It was the year that I ate my first organically-grown orange and discovered for the first time what an orange actually tasted like. Having grown up with standard supermarket oranges, I thought the taste of fungicide commonly applied to the peel was the taste of the orange itself. I was so surprised and pleased with the taste of real oranges, I wanted everyone I knew to enjoy organically-grown oranges too. A simple gift, but one that made a big difference, since I gave the gift of the story of my experience along with the fruit.

Let's reconsider why we give, and what we give, and make gift-giving a more satisfying and meaningful experience.

The history of holiday gift giving

In our predominantly Christian culture, the giving of gifts at Christmas is said to symbolize the gifts the Wise Men brought to the baby Jesus. But the custom of giving gifts at the turn of the year goes back much further and is common in cultures worldwide.

At some time in our ancient past, friends exchanged evergreen twigs and dried fruits as wishes for continuation and abundance of life in the coming year. Romans exchanged gifts at winter solstice as expressions of affection and brotherhood, giving coins for prosperity, pastries for happiness, and lamps to light one's journey through life.

Our modern bringer of gifts, Santa Claus, evolved from St. Nicholas, an actual person who distributed his wealth to the needy through the giving of secret gifts.

Throughout most of history, gifts exchanged were small tokens of affection. Even as recently as one hundred years ago, gifts were simple and often homemade--a hand-embroidered handkerchief, a book, pipe tobacco, hair ribbons--things that would fit in the Christmas stocking. From my childhood, I remember reading about the Christmas of a family settling the prairie. Each of the children were delighted to receive a single sweet juicy orange--oranges being very rare in their part of the country--as their sole gift. Scrooge couldn't appreciate the Christmas of Victorian England because there wasn't much profit from gift giving!

Gift giving became big business in the United States as mass production made more goods readily available and the population as a whole became more affluent. The current magnitude of holiday gift-giving did not come from custom, but was rather built by advertising as a means to sell the higher volume of newly-produced industrial goods. By 1920, advertisements for holiday gifts began to appear a full month before Christmas with persuasive copy urging shoppers to choose gifts that will please.

After World War I, there were fears that the unprecedented boom times of the war years would end. To prevent an economic downturn, advertisers mounted an aggressive campaign to stimulate consumer spending. With the tradition of gift-giving already well-established, Christmas giving was a prime opportunity for expansion. Shoppers bought right in to the idea. Soon special credit accounts were set up so that Christmas shoppers could spend more than they could afford.

Advertisers have done their job well. They have convinced us of the importance of gift giving at holiday time...for better or for worse, for ourselves and the environment.

Generosity

The essence of gift giving is generosity--the readiness and willingness to give of one's self and one's resources to benefit others, and to give liberally, freely, abundantly, plentifully and joyfully. It is the natural outpouring of a feeling of being full to overflowing with abundance, with the confidence that there is always enough in this world for all.

But giving generously does not necessarily need to translate into an enormous pile of material gifts. We can be generous with our money to be "the angel" that provides for someone in need. We can be generous with our time to help those who need physical assistance--which could range from raking leaves or shoveling snow to making soup to taking a friend's child shopping for secret holiday gifts.

And, especially, we can be generous with our love, which costs nothing, is very healthful, has a beneficial environmental impact, and increases in quantity the more we give it away.

Give with joy

Gift-giving at its best is a spontaneous act of joy that satisfies the spirit. But more often than not, in today's world, we give gifts more out of obligation and expectation.

I've found it to be true that if I stop and take a look at what motivates me to do something, it opens the opportunity for me to see if I am just following social customs or doing something in the way I personally find satisfying.

We all have unconscious "rules"--accurate or inaccurate--that drive our gift-giving behavior. These might include:

• Give a gift to everyone in your family, close friends, and business associates (if you don't, it means you don't love them)
• Give a gift to everyone that you expect will give a gift to you
• Give a gift to everyone who gives you a gift (including being sure to have "extra" gifts on hand so you can reciprocate unexpected gifts)
• Give a gift to everyone you gave a gift to last year (so they won't feel like you don't like them any more)
• The amount of money you spend on the gift shows how much you care about the recipient
• Gifts exchanged should be equal in value
• Gifts should be consistent in value from year to year
• If you give a gift to someone in a circle of people who know each other, you have to give a gift to everyone in that circle, and all the gifts need to be of equal value
• Gifts only have value if they are store-bought
• Gifts should be chosen to impress the recipient

I'm not suggesting we not give gifts at all, but rather that we each examine our own personal gift-giving rules and see which ones we want to keep and which we want to discard. Then give based on our own self-chosen guidelines, rather than the expectations of others.

I've also found it valuable to talk about gift giving with others. I've always found they appreciated being asked and we end up coming to agreements about gift exchange that make us both happy.

My holiday gift list is very short. I no longer have my birth family, but I do give gifts to my husband and close friends.

My husband and I give each other major gifts, usually not surprises, but rather something the other particularly wants. A few years ago I gave him tools for his new woodshop and got everyone else in his family to do the same. Some years we take a vacation together for our gift.

My best friend Sara and I agreed years ago not to give each other holiday gifts "because we have to give each other something" but to leave open the option to give the other a gift if we happen across something really special that we think the other would love. If nothing appears that year, we won't give a gift. As it happened, since we decided that we have each always given the other gifts. A primary gift is often surrounded by little good things to eat, which we share with each other.

In the last few years, I've been making cookies and candies with organic ingredients and natural sweeteners, and giving them to people I care about. It's just a little "I'm thinking of you and appreciate your friendship" kind of gift that doesn't set up an obligation to reciprocate. I love baking cookies and my friends love to eat them, so it brings happiness all around!

Gift giving can be a wonderful experience for both giver and receiver when it is done with generosity, joy, sincerity, and thoughtfulness. "Empty" gifts are a waste of time, personal energy, and environmental resources.

Include gifts in a more meaningful holiday celebration

There is a longing in our culture for holiday celebrations with the feel of times past. But filling the house with nostalgic decorations won't do it.

Celebrations past were more than an occasion for opening gifts. Families would prepare special foods and eat together, sing seasonal carols and other songs, play holiday games, read seasonal stories aloud and perform seasonal plays.

Cultures around the world and throughout history have ended the year with festivals of renewal that rekindle spiritual faith, bring together loved ones, and maintain light and laughter through the darkness of winter.

The core values of the winter holidays are:

• Being generous with people who can truly benefit from our gifts
• Expressing love in ways other than material goods
• Celebrating the spiritual and social meanings of the holiday
• Promoting peace
• Spending time with loved ones

It is common for families who do not have strong family, ethnic or spiritual traditions to fall back on the commercialization of Christmas by default. Spend some time in early December to do some research on celebrations of the season within your own cultural and religious heritage, and plan ways to incorporate elements of these celebrations in your own holiday observances. Try making a traditional food from scratch for the holiday dinner, learn a traditional song, revive an ancient ritual, find a holiday story to read aloud.

Invite other members of your family to participate in creating these activities. When you restore meaning and purpose to your holiday activities you will find the joy this season can bring.

Choose your gifts thoughtfully

The best gifts are those that are chosen thoughtfully. These make best use of our time and money, and environmental resources.

Being thoughtful about the gifts we give ensures that whatever gift we give will be appreciated and used, rather than ending up in a landfill. By finding out what a person needs, and thinking about what the person wants and will use, we can reduce frivolous gifts. Ask friends and family if there is something special they have their eyes on. Listen for clues like, "I saw a beautiful dish at the store today," or "I really need some new tools," and drop such clues yourself.

If you receive a gift that you do not want or cannot use yourself, pass it on so it can be used by someone else. Give it to someone else who can better appreciate the gift, or donate it to a thrift shop. Last year I gathered up things around my house that I no longer wanted or needed, wrapped them up as gifts, and took them to my writer's group meeting and gave everyone a gift! They were all delighted! We all have things around the house that we could take as gifts to children in need, homeless shelters, rest homes, or other places where gifts where gifts would be welcome.

Give of yourself

Instead of searching the aisles at your local shopping mall, use your creativity and imagination to give gifts that only you can give--gifts of your time and skills, gifts that strengthen family ties, gifts of experiences rather than material goods, or gifts with a personal touch that are made especially for the recipient. Package non-material gifts in the form of a greeting card, on beautiful notepaper, or on colorful hand-drawn or computer-generated gift certificates you design yourself. Have fun with it. Here are just a few suggestions.

Gifts of time. The best gift we can give a loved one is simply the gift of time together, focused on an enjoyable activity. My husband and I often spend our gift money on just this gift.

• Lunch for two at an interesting new restaurant.
• A romantic weekend away.
• A walk in the woods or on the beach with a picnic.
• Explore a nearby town you haven't visited before.
• Be a tourist for the day in your own town and visit all the sites you haven't seen (or visit your favorites again).
• Your undivided attention for a whole hour (or afternoon or day) to do anything the other person wishes.

• An afternoon of housecleaning or other chores.
• A day of fixing things around the house such as loose doorknob, leaky faucets, drafty windows, or whatever is needed.
• Shoveling snow off the front walk.
• Weed the garden.
• Chop wood.
• A hot casserole or pot of soup.
• A shopping trip.
• Breakfast in bed

• Help identify native plants in the garden.
• Teach a friend how to use the Internet.
• A lesson in cake decorating, basket making, planting perennials, quilting, or other useful skill.
• Volunteer time on a big family project, such as painting a room or planting a garden.
• Help a friend host a party--offer to cook, clean, serve, run errands, be their right hand as a gift, so they can enjoy their party.
• A handmade wreath or swag made from local evergreens, accented with local dried flowers or garden vegetables..

Gifts of experience. Experiences can be even more memorable than a gift you can hold in your hand. It can be simple or extravagant--the important thing is that you think of it and make all the arrangements. It could be a special time you spend together or an opportunity for the recipient much-needed time alone. Here are just a few ideas:

• a trip to the aquarium
• tickets to movies, or a concert or sporting event
• a gourmet picnic next to the fireplace
• a season lift ticket at a favorite ski resort
• a day at a spa
• membership to a museum, organization or gym
• a gift certificate to a nice restaurant
• a ride on a boat

Gifts of family. In today's mobile society it's easy to lose touch with families who live far away, and with our own family roots. The holidays are a good time to restore our family connections and celebrate our family heritage and traditions.

• Rides to relatives who may not have transportation, so they can visit each other--take your great aunt to visit your grandmother.
• Airplanes tickets to bring relatives to you.
• A prepaid long distance calling card.
• A family newsletter with photos and stories. Make it an annual gift, and your newsletter will become a keepsake of family history.
• A family cookbook filled with treasured recipes.
• A family photo album filled with historical and current photographs, labeled with names and dates.
• A book of family history collected and typed up (do some digging into the past, too, and see what you can discover about your family geneology).
• A tin of those Christmas cookies (or a jar of jam or pickles) your grandmother always used to prepare from a family recipe.

Gifts of community. These gifts not only give a gift to your recipient, but your local community gets the gift of your support as well.

• A membership in a local Community Supported Agriculture program that delivers fresh organic vegetables weekly.
• A membership supporting a local, state, or national park, or a group preserving habitat.
• Adoption of an animal at the local zoo.
• A donation in the recipients name to groups that provide enriching activities for children in the community, such as the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts.
• A donation in the recipients name to a local organization that is helping children and adults learn to read.

Gifts with a personal touch. These one-of-a-kind gifts always have special meaning, for they are created by you especially for the recipient, with something unique to them in mind. And there is something special about a handmade gift, for anything made by hand contains the love and creativity of the person who made it. The holidays are a great time to do some craft projects and use your own creativity.

• A poem highlighting a particular feature about the recipient that you particularly adore.
• A song (or new lyrics to a familiar tune) that shows your love.
• A letter expressing your deepest feelings or appreciation
• A story you've written and bound into a little book
• A drawing or painting of the recipient or their house or garden or a favorite tree or flower.
• Personalized stationery on recycled paper. Many stationery stores now sell plain recycled writing paper that can be personalized by running it through a laser printer or decorated with a favorite them by using block print stamps cut from potatoes.
• For a diabetic or health conscious person, bake some sugar-free or low-fat holiday cookies so they can partake in the holiday cheer. Package them in a reusable basket, box, or tin and enclose the recipes.
• A nice journal filled with memories of your relationship and words of gratitude and appreciation
• A cassette tape of music you think they would enjoy (or a book of poems, or quotes, selected and compiled by you)
• Gift coupons good for almost anything: a homecooked meal, a walk, dishwashing, hugs, kisses, a movie date...
• Go find something they want that is hard to find, and deliver it--like a particular book or video--even if it is a rental, your gift is that you found it

Give with the environment in mind

Buying and giving gifts that help to sustain the Earth is an act of friendship and generosity toward all living things, not just the single recipient of the gift. There are many gifts you can choose from that will delight the recipient and protect the Earth as well.

There are two basic guidelines for choosing products that benefit the environment:

• choose gifts that use fewer resources
• choose gifts that support the marketplace of eco-friendly products.

Make a donation to an environmental group in the name of the recipient. There are many to choose from addressing all different kinds of environmental issues. Choose a group that is related to the interests of the recipient, such as tree planting, or animal protection. Your recipient will appreciate your support of a cause they care about.

Give plants. Plants not only make people happy, they make the Earth happy too. Select from indoor or outdoor plants. Pots of bulbs, herbs, or annual flowers are good choices, as they can fit in to almost any garden.

Choose gifts that are organically grown. Giving a bottle of wine made from organically grown grapes, for example, not only keeps toxic pesticides from our air, land, and water, it is also a gourmet experience. In fact, giving gifts of organically grown foods is a great way to introduce family and friends to how delicious organically grown food is, and perhaps inspire them to purchase these foods for themselves. Many gifts are now made from organically grown cotton. Blankets, bedlinens, robes, and sweaters are all cozy wintertime gifts.

Choose gifts that are recycled or reusable. Antiques, collectibles and other "pre-owned" items make excellent gifts and are environmentally friendly because no further resources are used to make them. Help your recipient save resources by giving a reusable gift to replace something disposable that the recipient already uses, such as linen napkins, reusable cloth shopping bags, baskets, refillable fountain pens. And look for gifts made from recycled materials--recycled paper, metals, glass, or plastic.

Buy gifts that are good quality. Cheaper products will wear out quickly. If the item is something the recipient can and will use for a long time, spend a little more and purchase something that is durable and will last.

Give a gift certificate. Choose one of the many websites on Debra's List.

Shop on-line

According to a study by the Center for Energy & Climate Solutions, shopping on the internet helps the environment! On-line shopping saves energy and reduces greenhouse gas emissions by decreasing consumer transportation and shipping of products to retail stores. One delivery truck efficiently delivering gifts uses less energy than each recipient driving around to many stores.

If you drive to retail locations to shop, make a list of where you want to go and determine the most efficient route, to save time and energy. And go shopping with a friend--you'll save energy and pollution and have more fun, too!

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